What do I mean when I say to you – “be your own best friend?” Am I telling you to forget about other people and friends in your life and only focus on yourself? Hardly. What I mean is that I want you to look at yourself through the eyes of someone that cares about you. Someone that can see the big picture. Someone that can see you for who you really are. Essentially, I want you to treat yourself like you would your best friend.
Think about what your best friend might say to you if you went to them for advice about your current situation. Now think about what would you tell that friend if they were going through the exact situation you are right now? Is the conversation different? It shouldn’t be.
What are best friends for?
Friendships are so important in life. At this point in my life, I don’t have a ton of friends, but the ones I have are so valuable to me. Natalie (my BFF) and I have been friends for 18 years (half our lives)! She’s like my second sister. She’s the person I always go to if I want honest advice. She has a great way of combining exactly what I need to hear with love and encouragement. Even when she tells me something I may not want to hear, I know it’s always coming from a place of love.
Best friends come in all forms. When you were little, your best friend was the girl that shared her snacks with you at lunch. As you got older, your best friend was the one that stood up for you when the mean girls tried to break you down. Now, as adults, your best friend is the person that’s been there for life’s big moments – husbands, houses, babies, moves, jobs, and you’re there for each other no matter what.
“A friend is someone who makes it easy to believe in yourself.” – Heidi Wills
In all honesty, being a friend to someone you really care takes a fair amount of work, but somehow it just comes naturally. You’re happy to put in the effort and attention to that relationship because you care about the other person so much. A big part of being a best friend is being there to encourage the other person. We all need that person in our life that tells us like it is, supports us, and shows us our true selves.
You’re there through lifes’ ups and downs, major events, and the daily struggles. When your best friend opens up to you about what they’re feeling, or how they’re being hard on yourself, what is the first thing you do? Encourage them! Show them that they’re doing great. Highlight the positives. You point out all the good things in their life and help them to see that the things they didn’t accomplish, or things they haven’t done, aren’t as big of an issue as they seem.
Imagine your best friend (the one you would do anything for) came to you feeling discouraged. She felt like she was falling behind on certain things in her life and she couldn’t understand why. (Meanwhile, you know it’s because she was busy raising two children, working, and running a household, but it’s hard to see that from the inside). She was frustrated that she couldn’t accomplish more, and feeling defeated. What would you tell her? What would you do? You’d be there for her as her best friend.
Flip the script
So why is it that we can’t do this for ourselves? Isn’t it strange how we are so much harder on ourselves than we are on anyone else? Why do we expect more from ourselves than we would of others? Most times we would never DREAM of speaking to our best friend the way we do to ourselves. To us, other people deserve grace, understanding, and leniency. Why wouldn’t we deserve the same?
The truth is we do deserve the same grace and understanding that we would extend to any of our friends. Think about what you would do for your best friend and what you would say to them. Would you ever speak to them the way you speak to yourself? Think about that the next time you’re being overly hard on yourself.
It’s not ok to speak negatively to ourselves. Our mind believes what we tell it. If we continue to tell it we’re not worthy, or we’re less than, that’s what we’re going to believe. We need to start being gentle with ourselves. We need to work at building up our own confidence daily with positive self-talk.
We’re all doing our best. Everyone is on a different timeline, and has different obstacles they need to overcome. And everyone deserves someone on their side. Someone in their corner. Someone to be their cheerleader. Be that for yourself. You need it, just like anyone else. It’s time to be your own best friend.
For additional perspective on this topic, please check out my post titled “We accept the love we think we deserve.”
