Relationships are a lot of work. No one can have a substantial, meaningful connection with their spouse or significant other without making the effort to grow and foster that relationship.  This isn’t something that happens overnight. It needs constant care and attention. Even the best relationships take a lot of time and investment to make them work and to run smoothly. So what’s the secret?  Why does it seem like some couples have it all figured out?

A friend and mentor

When I started my job that I was at for 11 years, the manager at the time almost instantly became sort of like a big brother to me. He was 4 years older than me, and we got along great from day one.  Not only did he teach me everything about the business and train me in that way, but he also would give me all kinds of advice. He’d share stories, and I would learn a lot about life from him. He had a great way of giving insight without seeming like a know-it-all.  Even though he left the job several years after I had gotten there, we’ve remained friends, even still to this day.

A few years ago, we were having a conversation about relationships. He and his wife were recently married and were still getting used to the growing pains of that stage of life.  During the conversation, he looked and me and said, “Megan, I’m going to share with you the best thing that I’ve heard about relationships that has totally helped me in mine.” I thought, awesome, who doesn’t need any little tip to improve their relationship, right?  He said “In relationships, a woman wants to feel loved, and a man wants to feel respected. That’s it. It’s that simple. One party needs to feel respected and one party needs to feel loved.”

Once I heard this, it kind of blew my mind.  It’s so simple, but it makes so much sense. When he gave the advice he mentioned a man and a women, but the same applies for any relationship, whether it is same sex or opposite sex.  One person in the relationship is looking to feel loved, and the other is looking to feel respected.

Trying it for myself

After hearing this, I immediately put it into practice to see if it were actually true. Whenever my husband would do something like vacuum the house, do the dishes, take care of the laundry, give the girls a bath, I would always acknowledge his effort.  I would say something as simple as “Thanks for cleaning up the kitchen, babe, that totally helped me.” Or “thanks for doing the laundry, it saved me so much time.” After he made the effort, I would acknowledge the effort. Very cause and effect. The more I did this, I started noticing that he was putting in even more effort and taking care of more responsibilities.

It was as if the only thing that he was seeking from his efforts was acknowledgment that he had done something. Once I started acknowledging his efforts they just started multiplying from there. He felt valued, he felt important, he felt needed.  He had always been all of these things, but maybe I had not done a good job of letting him know that. With his increased feeling of importance and respect came more affection and appreciation for me. More hugs and kisses, more quality time together, more ‘I love yous.’  The advice was spot-on, and our relationship totally benefited from it!

So it seems that the advice my friend had given was definitely true. Men just want to be respected and women just want to be loved. Don’t get me wrong, there is no one way to have the “perfect” relationship, or one rule to follow that will work for everyone.  That being said, I do believe that any relationship can benefit from this simple but powerful advice. Your job in your relationship is to be there for the other person. Make sure you’re doing what you can to provide what it is that they need, and when you do that, the benefits and the rewards will come to you.

xo

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