Last weekend I took my girls to a birthday party. My friend’s daughter was turning three and since she loves horses, they decided to have the party at a state park that also has a farm. Of course, knowing there were going to be animals there, my girls were super excited. My friend had arranged a tour of the petting farm for everyone, and all of the kids at the party got to ride a pony. Everybody was having a great time, except for the judg-y park employee. Nothing like a 19 year old with an attitude to kill the vibe.
The scene
My husband was out of town on the day of the party, so I took the girls solo. During the party when we were about to start the farm tour, one of the two employees that were with us gave us two rules: (1) No kids allowed on the climbing structure for the goats, and (2) stay together as a group. I explained to the girls that they couldn’t climb and they had to stay next to mom. They agreed, but I knew they would need reminding. My kids always do.
Well, we walked into the area with the animals, and within 2 minutes my four year old started to wander away from the group. Mind you, it was only a few feet away and I could still see her. She was just exploring. Not causing any harm. I was busy with my 2 year old, so I kept my eye on the older one while she looked around.
The situation
While employee # 1 was walking the group around, introducing us to the animals and engaging with the kids, employee # 2 looked over at my daughter and told her she had to come back by everyone else. I called her and reminded her she had to stay with everyone else, and she came back.
A few minutes later she tried to wander again. She was told by employee # 2 to return to the group, again. I was doing my best to watch her and my two year old at the same time. Honestly, I didn’t think her walking a few feet away was a big deal. I’m always very aware of what my children are doing, and all of the animals we were seeing were all in an area together. She was never more than 10 feet away from me at any point.
The third time she started to walk away, she was headed for the door where we came in. I thought maybe she was over the animals and wanted to leave, so I followed her to find out. Employee # 2 followed us as well, and she was clearly annoyed.
I was talking with my daughter to see what was going on. I asked her if she wanted to leave and go to the playground instead. I explained to her if she wanted to stay, she had to stay with everyone else. While waiting for her response, Employee # 2 looked at me and said, “I need to know what you’re doing – are you staying or leaving?”
How she said it hit me the wrong way. The way that makes you instantly switch to defense mode. I had about a dozen things I wanted to say to her, but my kids were present, so I waited a second and responded with, “I’m finding out, give me a minute.” We ended up staying and finishing the farm tour. The kids got to meet the cows, pet chickens, and feed the goats. It was fun, but not as fun as it should have been.
Now, if my child was totally out of control and I was letting her climb into the pig pen and not paying any attention to what was happening, then yes, I can see where the employees would have to step in and say something. But that was not the case. She was a four year old at a birthday party excited about seeing and petting animals. Of course she’s going to want to look around and see what’s there – she’s a kid!
The effects
I fully appreciate people following the rules and wanting to do their job to keep everyone safe. What I don’t appreciate is a 19 year old with no kids and an entitled attitude giving me the business. Anyone else would have seen that she was causing no harm and I had the situation under control. Without me saying anything, one of the other moms said to me, “That girl needs to relax a little.” Agreed.
I’m all for constructive criticism, but that’s not what this was. I don’t take well to people making me feel inadequate, especially people that haven’t been in my situation before. Okay, chick, you try and take two toddlers to a birthday party alone where there are animals they can touch and see if you do any better.
The situation could have been handled very differently and everyone could have still enjoyed the experience. She could have easily guided my daughter back to the group, or talked with her a minute, or even asked if I needed help. Any of these things would have been far better than what she chose to do.
See, when you decide to cast judgement onto someone, it doesn’t only affect that person, it affects you and others around you as well. After the encounter with employee # 2, I was annoyed, she clearly felt badly, and my daughter didn’t have as much fun as she could have. I was too busy censoring her for fear of her getting in trouble. The joy was sucked out of three people’s experience because of one person’s judgement.
The next time you’re quick to make a judgemental comment, maybe think about it first. Look at the situation as a whole. Have some understanding and perspective for others. People are doing the best they can, and when you choose to comment on that, it goes far beyond a small interaction. Your judgement kills the joy for everyone, including yourself.
