With my youngest daughters second birthday just days away, I’ve been thinking about my pregnancy a lot. Pregnancy is such a crazy time, isn’t it? So many emotions and feelings you’re trying to process and figure out. It also got me thinking back to something that I really don’t believe enough people know much about – pregnancy etiquette.
Nothing makes my blood boil more than when someone opens up their mouth and allows crazy things to come out of it directed at someone who is GROWING A HUMAN. There are very few things in this world that I have a passionately strong opinion about. I’m generally pretty even-keeled. I’m able to see the big picture understand both sides of the story. This topic, though, to me is very black and white, right and wrong. No gray area.
The Comments
For the life of me I have no idea why people think it’s OK to say the most ridiculous things to a pregnant person. They make comments on your size – “Wow, look how big you’re getting!” “You must be due any day now!” “Are you sure it’s not twins?” (Cue eye roll). Obviously you are getting bigger because there’s a growing baby inside of you, but it still doesn’t help the fact that people are basically calling attention to the fact that you’re getting fatter by the day.
And the questions are even worse – “Are you going to deliver naturally?” “Do you have a birth plan?” “Are you going to breastfeed?” I don’t know, Susan. Are you going to have sex with your husband tonight when you get home? What? Too personal? Oh, I’m sorry, I must have crossed the line with my totally inappropriate question. (Cue bigger eye roll).
People’s lack of etiquette and respect became very apparent to me when I became pregnant with my first daughter. Now, to be clear, I’m not one of those people who totally enjoyed being pregnant. I know there are plenty of women who love everything about the experience and savor every moment of their pregnancy. I am not one of those people.
My Experience
During my first pregnancy, of course, I didn’t know what to expect. Each day I brought new experiences, new feelings, new pain, new things to get used to and learn about. For the first few months, you’re not feeling very well, and most likely not sharing the news with many (if any) people. As the second trimester comes, you’re starting to get used to the idea of having a baby. You’re most likely starting to show a bit of a baby belly at this point. You’re starting to get your congratulations from everyone, you start to feel the baby kick, and it all is feeling pretty exciting.
Then the third trimester hits. The time of no sleep because you’re too uncomfortable. The time where you can’t bend over anymore because your belly is in the way. You can’t do the things that you used to, you get tired very quickly, you’re gaining more weight than you’re used to, and you are done being pregnant. This is right about the time when people start opening their mouth and saying the ridiculous things I mentioned before.
I didn’t love being pregnant
Now since I was not one of those people that loved every moment of being pregnant. I definitely did not appreciate people feeling like they should be commenting on me or my body simply because I was having a baby. I did not want to hear anyone’s opinion about how I looked, or what to do, or anything for that matter. One day while I was at work, a client of ours came in. I said hello and then got up from my desk to use the restroom (for about the thousandth time that day). He looked at me and said “Wow, you’ve gotten so much bigger from the last time I saw you!”
It was in that moment that the rage took over. I looked at him and said “You know what? I’m uncomfortable enough, I don’t need you reminding me of how big I am. I’m fully aware.” He tried to apologize, but it was too late. I continued with “The ONLY thing you should EVER say to a pregnant woman is ‘You look beautiful’.”
Think about it
For the record, when I say the only thing, I mean THE ONLY THING that anyone should be allowed to say to a pregnant woman is “You look beautiful.” Do not make any comments about her weight, or how big she is, or anything else other than the fact that she is beautiful. She’s going through something extremely difficult and the only thing she needs to hear is something nice.
I’m sure many of you reading this have heard comments like this before, and may have even said comments like this before without meaning any harm, so let this serve as a public service announcement for anyone who has done the wrong thing in the past. Please pass this message on because we need to spread a little bit of positivity and commend women for what they’re doing. Your words carry meaning. Make sure to remember that.
If you are interested in reading articles I’ve written on the important topic of pregnancy loss, you can check out “The reality of pregnancy loss,” where I share my personal story on this topic, and “The one thing you need after pregnancy loss,” which highlights what is the most important thing you’ll need to keep going after experiencing a loss. If you need anyone to reach out to, I’m here.
