Since we’re only a few days into 2020, I’ve been reflecting a lot on things that happened last year. Not so much the big, major milestones. Those I can easily recall. I’m actually talking about me and my behavior. The kind of person I was and how I acted. Whenever I think back to times where I was in a funk, or was down on myself, what was it that I was focusing on? Once I realized the things that were making me feel badly, it was easy to see what I needed to let go of. Today, I’m sharing the 3 things that I’m leaving behind in 2019.
Guilt
Guilt isn’t all bad, you know. It can sometimes be a good thing. No, really! For example, when you drop your child off at daycare and head to work, you might feel guilty about leaving them with someone else and having to work. All this guilt is, is a reminder of how much you love your child. You know they’re going to be just fine at daycare, but you just keep thinking about the time you won’t get to spend with them, because you love them so much. When you think about it like that, is it really that bad?
However, the guilt I’m talking about is where I get down on myself and almost start beating myself up over something I didn’t do. A goal I didn’t accomplish. Something I didn’t follow through on. This can start me on a bit of a spiral. Once I think about one thing that I didn’t achieve, a whole bunch of others start coming up as well. Pretty soon it’s a full-on shame spiral that’s hard to recover from.
So, this type of guilt can stay in 2019. I’m not going to allow myself to feel guilty for anything I didn’t accomplish. Instead, I’m going to focus my energy not only on the things I achieve, but the effort I put in. As a mother who works from home, I’m constantly busy, and I need to give myself more credit for what I’m able to do instead of nagging myself for anything I didn’t.
Comparison
This is a big one. It’s so hard NOT to compare yourself to others. It happens so naturally, it’s scary. Social media doesn’t make it any easier. If anything, it only gives you a million more examples of people you can compare yourselves to. The thing is, there is no part of this that is positive. On one hand, you let someone else make you feel inadequate because they’re doing “better” than you or have “more” than you do. On the other hand, you’re putting someone else down because you feel like you’re above them.
See, what I’ve realized is that it’s actually completely pointless to compare yourself to other people. Their journey is not meant for you, and has no bearing on your life. You have your own struggles to deal with, your own lessons to learn, and your own wins to celebrate. It’s important to remember that you’re here for you, to live your life, and not anyone else’s.
With that in mind, the only comparison I’m doing is comparing myself, to myself. Am I growing as a person? Gaining a better understanding of myself and others? Am I proud of where I am now compared to this time last year? As long as I feel good about myself, the action I’m taking, the way I’m treating people, and the family I’m raising, that’s all that matters to me.
Excuses
To me, this is the most important one of all. Excuses. We all have them, and we’ve all used them. Of course, just like anything else, there is a time and place for them. Sure, things naturally come up and change your plans – that’s life! But a legitimate reason and an excuse are very different. Whenever I use excuses for things, it’s like a crutch. It’s putting the blame on someone or something else. I’m an adult, and I need to be responsible for myself and my actions – regardless of anyone else.
I have a friend that is the excuse queen. There is an excuse for everything. Always a story about why she couldn’t call. Or why she won’t be able to make dinner, and on, and on, and on. The thing is, I know this about her, and I expect it from her. The fact that she’s always using excuse after excuse for her actions shows that she’s not ready to take responsibility for herself. And that’s not something I’m willing to let myself do any more.
I’ve been trying to be very aware of this lately, and I”m not going to let excuses hold me back any longer. I can find an excuse for pretty much anything that I want to, but I’m not going to give myself the option. I’ve shared the quote before “If it’s important to you, you’ll find a way. If not, you’ll find an excuse.” I’m letting this be my mantra. If something is important to me, I’m going to make it happen. I will find the time and resources to accomplish whatever it is. If it’s not important to me, I”m not going to make excuses for it, I”m just not going to focus any energy on it, and I”m not going to feel bad about it.
Thinking back, 2019 was an important year for me. I left my 9-5 job, decided to work from home, and learned a whole lot about myself and others in the process. Anything that’s no longer serving me can stay put in 2019. I’m not going to let things that are out of my control hold me back. I have a lot of things I still want to do, and I’m not going to get there if I keep making excuses for myself.
So, with all that said, here’s to moving past the negatives, focusing on improvement, and owning my decisions from here on out.
Interested in what I’ve decided to focus on in the new year? Check out my post titled “Three things I’m taking into 2020.”
