When you’re experiencing pregnancy struggles, it is all consuming. You can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. It feels like this is your life now, and you’re not sure if you’ll ever make it to the other side. I know the feeling all too well. But guess what? There are no accidents. As cliche as it sounds, there is a reason for everything you’re experiencing. You won’t be able to see it at the time, but it’s there. And the one thing that is going to get you through to the other side is not hope. It’s belief.
Belief that you can get through this situation, even though it seems unbearable. Belief that one day you will hold YOUR baby in your arms and you’ll understand that she is the one you’ve been waiting for. The belief that you will be a mother – because you will.
An example of belief
About 8 years ago, a friend of mine and her husband were experiencing multiple pregnancy losses. Over the course of almost 2 years, they lost 5 babies in their journey to parenthood. With each loss, her heart broke a little more, but she kept going. She knew that having a baby was something she was meant to do, so continued to try.
Years prior, even before they were married, her and her husband had talked about how they knew that adopting a child was part of their plan. My friend even had multiple dreams leading up to and after this conversation about her holding a little baby boy. They had agreed that they would adopt a little boy, and it would be their second child that they would adopt, as she wanted to carry the first. Struggling with pregnancy and not knowing if or when she would be able to carry a baby, my friend and her husband decided to begin the adoption process, knowing that it takes several years.
So they began their adoption journey. Over the course of the next several months, they went through the entire process – the interviews, the paperwork, the home visits, all of it. Even though the process was very tiring and extensive, my friend was happy to do it all. She believed the entire time that this was part of their journey to parenthood. On the day their final interview and paperwork were completed, the case worker called my friend and told her, “Ok, I’m submitting everything today. Generally, it takes anywhere from 1-3 years to get matched with a baby. We’ll contact you as soon as we have a match for you.”
That was on a Thursday afternoon.
Friday morning, my friend got a call from that same case worker. She figured something was wrong and they would have to re-do some paperwork or go through another interview. Not even close. The case worker said to her, “Good morning. I know this is earlier than expected, but we have a match. The baby was born 2 weeks ago, and you’ll need to pick him up today, if you’re ready.” Eight hours later, she was holding her son in her arms.
It will all make sense
What was it that got her through all of the tough times? Belief. She knew she was meant to adopt a son. She had dreamt about it, and she believed that would be her reality someday. Even though she didn’t know when it would happen, she just knew, and believed, it would.
That baby was meant to be her son. And there is a baby out there that is meant for you. I know it is heartbreaking when you’re in the middle of what seems like an inescapable situation, but like I said before, there are no accidents. You will have the baby that was meant for you. I truly believe that. It may take time, and unfortunately hurt, to get there, but you will get there, and it will be so worth it.
As someone who has experienced loss, and is now on the other side, I can genuinely say that everything I went through was more than worth it. Of course, there were times of hurt. Times that I suffered, and times that I cried. But, through through my experiences, I also learned. I gained perspective and empathy for others, and now I have the beautiful babies that were meant just for me. And you will too. You will be a mother. Believe me.
To view related posts on the topic of pregnancy loss, you can check out “The reality of pregnancy loss,” where I share my personal story on this topic, and “After a loss, pregnancy is not the same,” which talks about living through a pregnancy after experiencing a loss. If you need anyone to reach out to, I’m here.
xo
